Saturday, August 20, 2011

Going Casual

I have started this post several times and never really finished it.  It was because every time I sat at the computer I had a different emotion tugging my strings.  So every post started out way different. 

I need to get this up and maybe say it to make it more real.  It is true…I am going casual at Children’s Hospital.  Most people might not be familiar with “casual” so the best explanation is on-call.  I have decided to reduce my status so that I can be home with the kiddos.  Seriously you have seen how cute they are, wouldn’t you make the same decision? 

This idea started back in April when the boys turned 2.  It was a huge surprise that well 1. we managed to keep them alive for 2 years and 2. they were going to be starting pre-school if not school in the next 3 years.  I feel like the past several years have moved at hyper speed.  I need to grasp on to those years of cuddling and wanting mommy that remain.  I really can’t remember who told me this, but this winter someone made the comment to me that their mom (moms are smart) told her that the one thing they would never regret is staying home with her children.  I was feeling like I wouldn’t even be able to regret it if I didn’t try it.  Which brings me to answer your next question….will I like it?  Holy smokes, I have no idea!  I think that some days will rock and others will not.  Probably those days of teething and whining will be the worst.  But then there will be those days that they are all remarkably easy and self entertaining.  I have prepared some family and friends to keep their phone lines open for a off her rocker MJ. 

So how all the emotions untangled…4 weeks ago I arrived at work on a Monday and alas there was a posting for a volunteer coordinator position open.  It didn’t take many people long to connect the dots.  I went into immediate defense mode.  And why?…well, I love my job and I believe in the mission of Children’s.  I am proud of all the work that I did over the past 6+ years.  I wanted it to keep going strong.  Then I went into sad mode, I just gave up my amazing position to do something that I wasn’t sure how much I would love.  I kept reminding myself how I much I missed my kids when I was at work and how often (and lame) it was that I visited my own blog while at work to look at their faces and watch videos of them doing silly things.  Then I was nervous, what if I hated it?  What if it sucked?  Again, I reminded myself that the new full time job I was about to take was going to be far more difficult than my current position at Children’s, but definitely rewarding and years that I could never get back.  I can always work, but my kids are only young once.  Then I got excited to do something new and hopefully years that they will remember.  Thinking back I remember winter days where I would stay at home with Mom.  I would watch with envy as my sisters walked to the end of the street to get on the school bus.  I asked mom when I would be able to go to school.  She replied, “some day” and I remember hot chocolate and how she would help me in to my winter gear so that I could play outside.  Maybe it doesn’t sound like a lot, but for some reason those small things still remain with me.  I am sure at the time I didn’t appreciate all the things that mom did while I was at home or the days that I got to go to the Treehouse, Grandma’s, and the Nagel farm but rest assured there was an impact and it is in full swing as I now grow as a mom myself.  Quite possibly my cousins could say the same thing.  See maybe someday my kids will write about there vague memories of Mommy playing with them on the Talon Trail deck, taking them to the park across the street, or being corralled into the garage by a snow fence when they are 31.  If they do, then I think I have accomplished my goal.

My last full time day at Children’s is Friday, September 2nd.  So how lucky is everyone that I have a blog to detail this new adventure.  I look forward to sharing the days of 16 poopy diapers, 8 loads of laundry, and 4 snotty noses at one time with you!  Are Hope and Bo still together and is Marlena still possessed by a demon?

Cross your fingers, wish me luck, say a prayer.  I don’t care what you do…I’ll take it!


Keegan's Mommy said...

I completely know how you're feeling. It is really tough at first until you find some routine but always remember, you will have bad days whether you work or whether you're home. Just don't try to be super-Mom and don't be afraid to nap every day if you have to. Put me on speed dial!

LadyP said...

That was me... my mom always told me you will never regret staying home and jobs will always be there. You will be great, call me during the day if you need to! Good luck and enjoy it!

Jon & Jennifer said...

YEAH for you!! I felt the exact same way when the girls were born and we decided I would stay home with both sets of will NOT regret it for sure!! Oh and yes Bo and Hope are together and no Marlena isn't a demon (but her and John are coming back on the show) I DVR my soaps (Days and Y&R) and watch them while the boys are napping and I'm nursing the girls!! Can't wait to hear your adventures!!!